Elucidating Questions

I’ve given up fighting.

I just write what it wants to hear.

It never mattered how much I had have whatever if I do now it’s just as not worth it as it was then

There’s no home to go to, and no one is calling me maybe

There’s no last call

There’s no answer

The question was who do you

Not who does you

I won’t say the word it just dirties the perfect words I ruined.

I ruined beautiful songs with my disgusting unwanted nothing feelings

The question is still answered it’s just silent and I will never be enough regardless of the answer.

I could post it publicly

No one would continue calling me in the silence of this nothing that is what I must deserve

It’s my punishment.

Pain, silence, and solitude.

The music doesn’t heal anymore

It just reminds me of everyone I wanted to think I was good enough to speak to

I want to die.

Who do I love?

I’m sorry I found it in a song that asked it on repeat and I had to answer it compulsively it just pours out and at the end of being forced to make this stupid fucking answer again

It never mattered.

All I learned

Was that I never mattered.

Neither does my answer.

I can’t fight it anymore.

Maybe I’ll wake up later and feel like I am worth something

But I don’t
Not today.