Elucidating Questions

I just want someone who can care about me who I can care about too

Who I can reach out to who can reach out to me

I just need to see words and hear words because it gets harder to read when all the voices inside say are

We hate you

You should hate yourself

You shouldn’t be allowed to be

When believing the ones that said otherwise

Lead to us being alone.

I just want someone who can see the mess I’m in and say

Yes, that’s a terrible mess,

Who can understand how I got here and why I got here or can understand what happened when

Two entirely conflicting thoughts hit each other and explode into fragments and they are lost between the spinning void

That’s the moment when I can’t remember or if I try to hear those words that say I’m worth it and I should have been heard I

Am afraid that believing I should be heard will make the hole bigger.

It just grows bigger.

The one thing that kept coming up and I know it was fear that asked the question but I never knew why the answer

And now you sit back and grin as if you’ve won some prize, but I’m still here.

I look again, you’ve disappeared behind the clouds and my ears ring like too many sounds in the complete

Silence

Of the electricity that I hear.

You did like I did when I didn’t and the only plausible answer is that someone changed the rules and made it

Get to

Instead of

Meet

And I wonder how many rules get broken by the judge when one who stands can’t be seen to be fit to give a testimony

Or if it’s all just one big literal nightmare.

Cars honking in the distance.

I want someone who could be with me doing something when the night creeps in and all you can think about is how many times you failed

Screaming like the blood beneath your skin as it boils and something screams in the night

Who could stand beside me when the only war I can fight is in myself with myself every day

It says something in the distance

And I want to hear anything else or have someone to hold on to

There was a man with a brown suit,

He is old.

I don’t know why and it fades in and out as I struggle to try to leave as quickly as I can without someone ever being involved unless they wanted to be

Somewhere where it’s daytime and it’s warmer than here.

I don’t know where I am anymore, or what I want to do or how I could ever get there

But if I had someone who could see the worst and realise it’s nothing compared to the best of me

Who tried to show me what that best me was instead of kicking when I’m down

This mountain I stand at the bottom of wouldn’t look so tall.

I don’t know how to get back up

If everything I had wasn’t good enough for someone