Elucidating Questions

How does it feel to know you crushed the dreams of someone in your hands?

To look down on them and judge them for everything and make the decision they were not only not worth your time but not worth gracing with your words?

Bringing the gavel down and judging whatever as whatever without ever reaching out to talk about it?

What was it like to know you held a life in your hand that merely begged for acknowledgement to make all of it worth living through,

And you crushed it along with the dream.

You watched it fall apart and fragment and break and shatter and all the facets that tried to keep it all together entirely alone.

The pieces that told their stories to keep time going so that tomorrow could be good for something so yesterday could have meaning.

You simply turned your head, chose not to see.

You simply forgot the name and erased me and moved on and I have to live with it.

Watching as the love notes and letters became self hate notes and self destructive whirlpools of confusion and doubt.

I showed up and gave you power over everything, immediately, I was at your mercy.

And now you’re waiting for me to go and do it, you know what it is, so you can show it to me.

As long as I live on only in nothing and knowing without knowing or understanding

And I begged you, I said I couldn’t take it, I told you I was breaking,

And now I can’t even get the ending I need to make it all go away, explained as a trick of the mind and it never happened and you,

You won.

I can’t even do that.

And I will never love myself, because my self lost me my one life line.

I will never love anyone else as much as I let myself love you. I trusted you to accept me, I will never make that mistake again.

And in the end of it all this is not the same step I started from,

I am farther back than I ever was.

You pushed me.

I never knew the silence could be so strong.