Elucidating Questions

The sleep is backwards, hiding in the night, trying to sleep just brings dawn’s light.

The exhaustion of a day slept through with fleeting thoughts,

Is it a day wasted or saved when the daylight is soon to be gone?

The insomniac wedding of awake and forgotten.

The waiting for someone or something again who, silent confirmation even though I can’t stop,

Has no intention of seeing me.

A hollow feeling, staring out into nothing with blank eyes and poker face.

Disassociation from the pain, or tears, is what I get.

Slowly climbing the ranks, slowly getting closer to first,

Perhaps it will stop at third, and then drop back,

Or it will climb to first in exchange for what I lack.

I want to hear it, the words of the songs,

At least now I have clarity enough to know coincidences, many, many, many,

Mean nothing. There is no sign, even though I see them daily, like and uncontrollable invasive thought from the outside

Over and over and over again.

Why is this happening to me?

I still don’t know if this is punishment for touching the door,

Or the ultimate punchline.

Time will tell someday,

If I don’t fade away first.