Elucidating Questions

I tried really hard to not hear the things he told me.

I tried really hard to believe he was wrong, that he was paranoid, that he was narcissistic.

I tried really hard to deny that people don’t just disappear and turn away, waiting for any reason to run.

He asked if I’m mad at him.

He’s never acknowledged what happened. Neither the things she did.

If they did the best they could, truly, sitting alone in a box with no prospects no love no belief in anything but that which cannot be seen

Truly…

The only way to escape the monsters is to fall silent and never hear.

Text is not words. Pretend to fit in put lines where they belong pretend.

Erase me then.

Except that is the one wish they won’t grant.

I’m so bad a person, all I do is sit around and wish.

There are no colours here. Everything is grey.

Everything is falling.

Still they think they can guilt me into feeling guilty for being ignored.

After all I deserve it.

That’s what my first love taught me.

That’s what my second love taught me.

That’s what my third love taught me.

That all I deserve

Is to be ignored.