Elucidating Questions

So there was a story about who I was and what I was and who I tried to be and how I tried to be it and in a moment of finally feeling love for myself

Where did that all go?

And who cares anyways.

Tried so hard to try to make it better and now the children are falling down the paths and it doesn’t change does it?

If I could go back in time, truly, self, soul, being,

I’d shoot myself dead before this could happen.

No believing no hoping no trying to save no trusting no bullshit so

I’ll be beside you.

Or someone will help you.

Or something will protect you.

Or you’ll be all right.

Or there could be more.

What story?

I don’t remember.

I was born this morning.

Every morning is nothing else. Looking back at the past merely frozen in nothing, there must have been something there

Now I feel nothing.

You found nothing, you found nothing and did nothing and accomplished nothing and the ripple effect merely shows that you failed.

Look at the moment of giving in to nothing.

There is no hope.

I gave it back.

There is no heart.

There is no one.

There never was.

Or he would have cared.

It is funny, looking back, I laugh in my own face.

This fucking fool.

Standing at the door and believing and thinking and no one will ever see

How I had found someone

Someone for me.

But they don’t exist.

There never was.

I believed a lie.

I’m sure it doesn’t matter and never will,

Yet here I am.

Lucky me.

I should have listened and done what he did.