Elucidating Questions

No patience. No ability to remember what isn’t there, but I always remember you are.

In the words’ best moments. In the songs from the stories and the things I don’t know.

Isn’t it better, to not know anything, than to know too well?

Except it’s the doubt, the doubt doesn’t know you. When I am awake, I know you well. You make me smile, no matter what.

In the moments it hurts and all I have is self hate, I know I twist and turn the words to say the wrong words again, but please,

Even if there were tears at midnight I still have this awful disease of not wanting to be, but needing and wanting too.

This duality I am stuck to, the fish on the loom.

If I could find you an animal, but then what would it be? I’d worry it’s not right.

I’m just watching, I’m allowed to want right?

I still love him, every sight, even just knowing he was the one typing…

It’s so messed up.

It’s so messed up how much I want him.