Elucidating Questions

It started with feeling,

Like I was supposed to carry a savior, hope.

Fear and panic, couldn’t stand up to that story. Couldn’t ever.

It started with thinking, immaculate conception was what would happen.

Ran away, put it elsewhere. Afraid.

The bruises came, hands and feet.

The pin points for no reason,

As we stepped in.

Realising that passing it on would be cruel, to keep the sense of being that person.

And that’s who I’ll be, standing up and turning every cheek until I’m black and blue.

Even when numb and left behind, even when I can hear the love of him with someone.

Even when it hurts like this.

Living to be, but I never get far.

Never a name made, never a face seen.

They pass by me,

But when I dream

I have friends. People to talk to. Even if it’s been a week since I’ve heard from a friend.

And the one I love is only with me when I’m asleep.

And the second I love, will never love me.