Elucidating Questions

Whomever is me, but it’s always you.

In the moments of hoping for a second longer, for the dream to pretend and the holding off of guilt.

At the end of it all a dead end of course, when the two can’t make up their mind and the other can’t also of course.

In words unspoken, not quite right when they could have been before, but overlooked caused fear.

Turning around and seeing nothing but mistakes,

But if they’re mistakes then was it?

But I look up and the sun still shines,

The planets still spit, orbit is not still.

I hear a thunderstorm, somewhere.

Like boats sinking, but beaches showing, escaping and running,

Buildings falling, forest hideaways.

The dragon showing up in the moment before waking, the falling balconies.

The gun fights, the sensation of being shot through the head.

Waking with a headache.

The boat became a beach, the harbour was there.

The boats that went past couldn’t see us there.

Found Easter egg, but the doctor ate it, and the nurse erased the message that Shepard needed.

In this silent quiet, mind won’t release it. It sinks in then sinks down and in the dark it feels like this is where I lie.

Still who I am as I see where I won’t. As the one who I want and need never said don’t, but never said do and this midnight moment,

If there was an hour between, and I could give you all that you need, within that moment, frozen in time, I would give you everything one hundred times.

I won’t go without you, but I won’t forget you, every day like something I can’t control.

Everything everywhere anything always.

I wish I could make it better for you, the quiet waiting. I hope you don’t pass by again.

I hope you can connect with the one who you’re singing, I hope you can find that woman you’re missing.

If there is a friendship, I hope it takes well, and I hope you wake tomorrow in good health.

Feeling better, or something, but I never know. It’s just a feeling, I don’t know.

If you wake feeling down, I hope you see someone who makes your day better and brighter.

I’m wrong, but I love you.

I’ll keep you in mind, so I can keep hoping you can have all the time.

The look on your face in the moment when it’s so right, the way it feels when it could be all night.

The moments of watching and waiting between, the need to touch you, lost in the feeling.

The want to just make it, one more step, being at your hands, caught in your grip.

Biting your chin and nails down your back.

Awake and watching, feeling your warmth, the look on your face, the small of your back.

Hands on hips, push and pull.

In the morning, I wished you’d turn up,

Of course it’s over. It always is. Sacrifices for you, silence for me.

The sun held up, above for he’s selfish.

Centred and selfish, and I love him anyways.

Stuck at zero, often overlooked, as he sets or the rain comes in,

He’d been there and no one noticed.

If only they’d sing to him when he’s not behind the clouds,

Or on the other side.

The first who is good, the one who walked in and stole my life like a spiral staircase leading down and below.

Forgot how to fly, I still don’t quite know,

As the sun set each night and the hope for the day that there was a chance something would come my way

Gave in to doubt and fear and despair, and took it out on the wrong one to the point of disrepair.

Always I will, even when it’s the wrong words, support you all.

Even when it hurts.

Communication, without complaining, when quality of life is so low.

Describe, long term pain, lack of sleep, memory loss, the feeling of being left behind as those who can, forget you.

Never willing to play the victim, I never believed it even when written.

It just hurts so much, and there’s no end.

I wish people would come around, or would go for a drive or go somewhere quiet.

Up island to forests or oceans or somewhere.

Somewhere.

Somewhere new.

Somewhere different.

Somewhere we have never been.

Seeing the new numbs it, temporary, something to smile about.

Without complaining, without complaining, but it hurts.

It feels like plodding uphill, day, night, every day, it feels like…

It hurts.