Elucidating Questions

Let’s start a fight, let’s talk about the past, let’s go back.

Hahaha.

Hahahahaha.

Sick.

Let’s point more fingers when words will never be said. Let’s talk about all the things taken away and away because no we did not but let’s pretend

We did this to ourselves.

See she would rather us dead, was it not expressed?

All these people who know

The person who was my first call when everything fell and I wanted to be that person too,

But always kicked out and pushed away.

One safe haven on a tightrope that burns at both ends.

The words of a rose, but others would smell nicer.

Or sweeter. Or something.

I went to the place that was once home and wished them peace and happiness even though

They’d rather me dead.

When all I wanted was to keep alive, regardless of taking away and the questions it made

That one more light going out in the sky is never a wish

For any, but I.

No regrets felt if you just reach out every time it’s a lie.

At the end of the line spoken like these things that never mattered. Meant it or not as soon as the heart gets what it thought was real,

It’s just right back down here.

I felt the hit I didn’t hear. The words of the lyrics the feeling of the music it’s just this beating, it doesn’t but it could help

Someone who isn’t me, if you let it in does it really?

Would be a nice thing to know, someone who cares.

After all they ignore it, the internal struggle every day, to try to stop it from happening again.

Just didn’t want to lose anymore, keep hearing about scores and like it’s a game when it wasn’t supposed to be.

I suppose the words of encouragement were goading to make it worse.

Just keep trying.

Every day making a fool of myself, while they continue to shine.

As if I wanted anything else.

I may hate it all, but it doesn’t change the work done or the taking.

If we notice them we wander. How to keep them out of our pounding heads.

How come?

Wish to the sky for them. Yes I hear it, it’s the same song, if I walk into the thoughts of them,

The words of every song lead back. The words connect.

I wish I had scissors for every line, so that I could separate, in silence.

Wanting stories of reality not the stars when it’s my one remaining place to hide, but yet master of course what can I do for you

Wake up, for nothing.

Dreaming up how many ways to die.

Dreaming up how many ways they can benefit.

Wake up in the morning thinking about how there is never home.

Wake up in the morning knowing I could never trust anything.

Wake up in the morning and once again I have been forced to remain alive.

Held breath, broken hearts, every breath taken hopefully hopefully.

But the story’s not over gleeful bullshit.

And make a wish to the sky and the wish to the sky is nothing.

The jack and the queen of spades, and yet they think I made it up.

It’s the same every day and off with it. Does it really need to happen every single day like the same the same the same?

And, naturally, it goes quiet once it’s too late.

The queen of love sits above looking down. The lawful, the just, watches as it breaks.

The whisper from the horizon, hidden away in the field so no one can see or hear the despair, the desperation, the need, the want.

Fingers pointed in ten directions, ten truths that cannot be denied, ten truths proven and their families of hundreds of watchers.

Surely someone has noticed that the toy is broken, that nothing fixes it, that the remedy is not at fault, but the remedy no longer works.

Fooled into thinking there was no such thing as a caste system, that anyone had the freedom to speak to anyone.

This casm that was not even noticed until it was too late and something which to this day still makes me sick,

A strange and deep disparity, and I believe those on the bottom have been fooled into thinking equality ever applied

To the nothings below, the elite have fooled us. The puppeteers pull the strings, and we aren’t the players, we are always the audience.

We are inconsequential.

Help me, whispered into the darkness of the night by a voice too tired to continue and not saying stop but saying I can’t take it.

Save me, tears slipping down faces and they say tears are something men don’t have, but if no one has felt this way then they cannot say, and the eyes so tired they burn, do something anything,

Just save me.

One answer to it, one answer and the lies would fade. If the lies could fade, and someone could see the truth of the pain.

The law but human creations, the laws but the need of society.

Don’t imagine the need for anything other than the balance of behaviour between two creatures functioning peacefully.

And as the clock strikes, and the revolution begins,

It runs red, the words are said a hand across the throat.

Hand over mouth and nose, pulled and beaten.

A sneaking thing into the night, a true beast, the upsidedown man upsidedown.

The falling towers, the town, what is there where the hawk who is a bear,

A safe day in the chaos.

Do you ever hear me, I wonder?

It’s this question, seems to come every day, what do you want?

What do you want?

Like a fool before fools were made, the stupid one who didn’t realise there was something to want.

This stupid one who didn’t realise that there was an issue. This stupid thing that mistook being human.

The sharp pain in the face every time like a hit to the head for whatever reason. It must be justified, or it wouldn’t be felt. Or it wouldn’t be done.

What do I want?

Any thought of it and the immediate guilt and shame and regret.

I want love

No can’t have love tried to show it didn’t do it right can’t get love love others only watch it can’t ask for it.

I want someone

No can’t want someone if there is a someone then they would be forced and that isn’t the right way must never ask for it.

I want…

Can’t get the thought out stomach churns disgusting greedy stupid nasty lazy person who could ask for anything will never again, think that is something I should ask for

I cannot ask, will not, and will never, have an answer for the question, nothing to want send it elsewhere surely someone else could benefit more and as nothing always nothing and these mistakes

No not the start every damn shot the wrong fucking words every time every time never

Ever.

Ever again.

To feel it even to feel love for someone anyone ever never again no one would ever want it the feeling only if it comes with what they want they never wanted me

Thus I must be a nightmare come alive.

Thus the wishes I thought I could bring, the prayers answered,

A trick of the mind.

I just wanted to be more than a gear,

And that is all I will not stand out of line.

Humble apologies, I remain nothing.