Elucidating Questions

Don’t think of it

Forget it

Let it go

Walk away don’t give it words

Tumbling dropping falling

Hah

Someone help me

Haha

I know I know no one knows I can’t go crying

But I did it to myself so can’t I complain?

I cannot can I?

If he knew what I was thinking he’d cringe and think

That’s so gross

But he was happy in the fantasy until I realised I was doing it and crushed it as quickly as possible and fled the area

When I cried for help he was on the other end

Waiting for the call

My Christ

The cycle repeats and I don’t know how to get out of it and when I think about him thinking about me thinking about it it just hurts so badly because he couldn’t think well of me

If he never came

And now I feel sick to my stomach with trying not to cry but also knowing

I just want to be happy and loved

Why is it always him?

This time Pleiades

Burned into my retinas

Just before he disappeared behind the hill

I stared him down into his core and watched as the water of the clouds turned him blue for a moment

Purple for another

Mischievous shading of the clouds in the past moments of light

I’m not blind yet

But if I do

I’ll just know the last thing I saw was the centre of my life and I loved it

So maybe it wouldn’t be so bad

To see you in a moment

To look you in the face

Means more to me than any embrace

Goodnight sweet light

I love your green

I can imagine it

Suddenly it crept up on me

It’s just you and me

It’s just you and me

Who and

Me

Me and me

I’m stuck with myself I jerked away,

Changed the song

Mission impossible came on I wince, grit my teeth

Fight tears

Linkin Park

Drawbar

Like across my throat?

Where I can’t breathe

I can’t get away from myself

How I just want to be left alone

Anyone but you

I’d rather be trapped forever with anyone but you

Me

Me

I’d rather be trapped anywhere without me

Foreword

Lost in the snow

Drifting about lost in

Lost in the madness

Pulling, scraping, lurching, dragging

Lost in the ground

In a darkness unyielding

Yet lost in the darkness where there is nothing left.

Without them I.

Without them there’s.

Did you just burn a hook into my eyes you big ball of fire?

Do

Yes you did do

A right facing hook with a ball and then a rope

He says his love is the killing kind

Did he see you?

Has he seen you?

It’s fading now

The hook

Well yeah, I found another killer

We already went over it

So I’ll cuddle up to Saturn

And Persephone seems okay with that

How to react to not reacting

I just read a book about slaves in the Americas

I’m rather painfully sobered

And it’s all wrapped up!

Look at them ten masterpieces in a row like ducks like

Oh I just do this sometimes

But

It’s more or less what I expected

But I still love him so that doesn’t get me anywhere

As upsetting as your pain is

The wall between us means I cannot and will not ever be able to touch your face and say

I know

I love you anyways

Well it’s disregarded

Isn’t it?

It must be.

I can only watch.